Reality Bites-Breaking the News

Introduction

There are incidents in our life where we have to disclose some news or have to say something to people close to us...known to us where we are aware that it may hurt them. For Example read the following:
1) You have to tell your sub-ordinate that he is sacked or he has to resign.
2) All in your team got increments and promotions, except two people...disclose this news to them.
3) You father is serious and he is in hospital...sharing this news with your sibling.
4) Your daughter has appeared for "Chartered Accountant Exams" but failed...now share it with her.
5) Giving "honest" feedback to your spouses...about their looks.
6) Giving "honest" comment to your friends about their behavior and habit.


There are many such incidents. One time or another we've all been there. You want to tell someone how you really feel. But how do you say this difficult thing to a person you care about without damaging, or even destroying the relationship? It's easy to say something we know will be welcomed: "I like your new suit" or "The package you were waiting for just came." Even something potentially embarrassing -"You've got chili between your teeth"-is easy to say to a friend who's going out on a date and would be horrified if you didn't tell him. About 95% of the things we need to tell other people are easy because they're welcome or routine or they confirm the sense that everything is OK. It's the other five- percent that gives us trouble.

Often in those cases, we back off and say nothing. But in silence, while incredibly tempting, is usually not the best option. Too often it's not an option at all, because the other person will eventually learn the truth anyway. Better to speak up and at least have some control over how the message is conveyed. But what, exactly, should you say? We all how easy it is to say something the wrong way and have the situation blow up in our faces. That's why certain truths are called bombshells. Deep down we all want the same thing. We want to say what needs to be said, feel good about ourselves for saying it and make good things happen when we do.

Tell the truth but meet the need

The need is what the other person is left feeling when you've dropped your bombshell. If you tell your boss: "The report will be ready tomorrow, as we agreed," you haven't created a need, you've fulfilled one. But if you say, "The report won't be in till Friday. Sorry!" you're creating an unmet need in someone very important-your boss-so you're afraid to say it. Your answer: tell the truth but meet the need. If you do that, you convert something that's hard to say into something you're brave enough to say. But how do you know what the other person's need will be? Just ask yourself what the other person is afraid of, and do or say something to help him feel less afraid. For example, you don't have to be a genius to guess that if your fiancée hears you want to postpone the wedding, he might:

Ø Need not to be humiliated in front of friends and family;

Ø Need to feel reassured that in this case postponement doesn't mean cancellation;

Ø Need to know what feelings prompted the postponement. (Has he done something wrong? Do you still love him?)